“Oh! No, I didn’t get a chance to do that yet.” How many times have you uttered that sentence? I know I’ve found myself saying it fairly often – at least more often than I’d like. It’s one of those things that you notice even more when you’re looking for it. And if you tune in and become sensitive to this sentence, I’ll bet you’re going to start noticing that a lot of people say it regularly. Which is unfortunate, because I think that there’s a lot of damage done in that one little sentence.
Deny Accountability
What’s going on here is that this sentence is an attempt to dodge or deny accountability. It implicitly says that it was impossible to do it because I never got the chance to do it. First, I’m not responsible for the fact that I didn’t do it. Secondly, don’t you dare go making me feel bad that I haven’t gotten it done yet – it’s not my fault.
After all, how can I be at fault if I never had the chance to get around to it? If I “never got the chance” then I’m not to blame. What a nifty little way to sidestep accountability with an excuse.
So Who Is to Blame?
If it’s not my fault that I didn’t get it done, then this begs the following question. Who’s fault is it? Notice how this is left completely vague and ambiguous in the sentence. It could be anyone’s fault! Who would have given me the chance to get it done? God? The Universe? Fate?
I guess it doesn’t matter as long as everyone knows it’s not me!
The Damage
What’s the harm of saying this? That depends a lot on what it is that I didn’t “get the chance” to do. If it’s something small, then there is no big downside. But what if it was something important? What if it was something that my boss really needed from me, or that my spouse really wanted me to get done?
What’s that person hear? They hear two things. They hear that I didn’t get it done, and that it’s not my fault.
What should they do now? Do they ask me to do it again? Why should they think that I’m going to get it done this time? After all, if you I didn’t “get the chance” then why should they think that I’m going to “get the chance” this time?
Damage to My Soul
But mostly, this damage is internal – not to those who’ve asked me to get it done. Whenever I say this phrase I am poisoning my own mind. I’m telling myself that it’s not my fault. I’m telling myself that I need to wait for the proper chance to arise. And how would this chance arise? Spontaneously? From God? From the Universe?
Whatever answer I unconsciously give, I know that my “chance” is going to spring up from something over which I have no control.
Taking out all the noise, I’m telling myself that I have no control over what I’ve gotten done and what I haven’t gotten done. I’m telling myself that I’m not capable of doing the important things to make my life better.
And there is nothing more poisonous to the soul than that.
What Should I Say?
What should I say when I’m tempted to say that I “didn’t get a chance?” I should simply state the plain, simple facts. “I didn’t get it done.” End of story. Period. That is what I’m trying to communicate, so I should just keep it simple and stick to the facts.
Maybe it matters why I didn’t get it done. Maybe it doesn’t matter. But at the end of the day, I simply didn’t get it done.
And, maybe not getting it done was the right choice!
Did I choose to get other things done instead? Other things that I evaluated as more important at the time? Then I made the right choice by not getting it done.
Even if it comes out later that it would have been better for me to get this done instead of something else, if I didn’t know that at the time I made the choice, then it wasn’t the wrong choice. It was the right one! This is assuming, of course, that I wasn’t negligent or evasive in my not knowing.
Own It
All I need to do is to own my choice. I made a choice as to what I would get done and what I would not get done. If I own that decision, then I am re-affirming my ability to control what I get done and what I don’t. I’m telling myself that it isn’t up to anyone else – it’s up to me. If I tell the other person that “I didn’t get that done” then they see me taking accountability for my choice.
If they ask me again to get it done, why should they believe that I will? They should believe me because I’m telling them (implicitly) that I am in control over what I get done and that I’ll make a different choice this time.
And even more importantly, I’m telling myself that I’m in control. I don’t need to wait for God, or the Universe, or the Fates to “give me the chance.” I’ll take accountability, and I’ll make a different choice this time around.
It’s up to me. And taking that mindset is fertilizer for the soul.
Ryan Sawatzky 